In reference to the song, an inspiring song I must say. Go find it (Heart of Courage - Two Steps from Hell, gorgeous.)

As this is a journal (a public journal... but a journal nonetheless) I believe I can say what is on my mind.

So, after being in a psychological rut for some time due to certain people I've met online, others around me, my family (of course they mean well, no?) and last but certainly not least: the development of my brain.

Because we all know the development of a teenage brain is tumultuous at best, there is so much changing and all the hormones being unbalanced, not to mention the frontal lobe being undeveloped until we're twenty-five. No wonder things are so hard or huge when you're a teenager. That's why no sane person wants to be a teenager again. (Plus high school, the worst way to go about things in many ways).

But I digress, recently after a friendship became more complicated than I wanted, I decided to step away from it all. Quite frankly I think it has been good for me. All my time is now mine.

I suppose what I can say is that I've learned a lot about what I don't want but more about what I do want. All of it was for the best, all I can say is that I am a lot happier. All of the burdens I have now are mine, not some other persons. Plus it gives me more time to work with real friends and relationships, though it's not like that is going fantastic.

I must say it is a strange thing when you start to wonder who you want to be. There's so much I want to do, although a lot of it centralizes around one particular subject (travel). But I need to grow, and like any plant, I need my space. I wonder how long I can wander for? I suppose some things you just need to figure out on your own.

My mum said something simple but kind of profound in my mind, for some reason it will stick with me.

I'm seventeen and I've broken my first heart.